[ Ego, Orpheus, a femina in eius obscurissimis desideriis quaerebar. ]
Sometimes,
she would endlessly stare at the cruel darkness with no hope in her heart. The
dark queen often felt that by closing her window to the moonlight, she could
evade the memory of him, the one who persevered in her heartless romance. Did
she love him? It was not in her nature to ask for love, when she could get it from
men without asking; even so, she could not deny that the rewards of her
immortal life were mere illusions.
Helpless under
the shadow of death, she braved her own tears to tell herself that nothing is
permanent, and she must overcome the illusion of losing her loved ones to the
curse. She looked at the ruby for validation, hoping that the heavenly stone would
confirm her doubts. In that, she was asked by the ruby if she had ever loved
anyone truly, a love that could be counted as a virtue, and not a vice. She was
taken aback at this dilemma, and would rather deny an answer. Sandhya felt that
answering this was below her pride, for she was not a woman who would be
humbled by unfinished questions, not even of repentance!
In all these
trials of the soul, she felt that she was called upon by an invisible power
that exceeded her control over hell. This power was measured in karmic cycles,
and in the irrevocable mandate of the last judgment, an endlessness that felt
like the ocean at her doors.
To step
into that unknown, she would need a tiding, a place to call home; yet, without
love, she developed little affection for the darkness that pervaded the fatal
forest. She would repeat to herself that true love does not exist, yet even
then, she could feel a sense of quietness in the thoughts of Orpheus, something
that she would rather take for granted, for who among men could not love her?
She tried
to remember the first time she had come to know about him, the seasons that had
passed, and all that had had been between them. Vice had left no stone unturned
to imprison and kill Orpheus, yet he always seemed to love her, despite her
vengeance. She had lied, cheated, and played every conspiracy hatched in
shadows, but he had remained as distant as he was when he returned to hell many
eons ago!
Rather, she
felt that with every obstacle, his resolve had become stronger, a strange power
that caught her fancy. His powerfulness attracted her, and the brief romance
she had with him seemed like a precious keepsake, something that made her cry
when she was sleeping. She had become curious to know more about Orpheus, wanting
to understand how he could love her despite everything that she had done to
him! What did he want from her, if not the blessings or the curse?
Thus was
the askance of the woman to Orpheus, when she could hear her calling, but chose
not to respond to it. Even so, she still wanted to know if all of this was
real, or mere illusions in the theater of the dark realms.
Fatalis est
qui amorem, sum miragii umbra in tenebris;
Proposito
mortis, essentia cordis mei tristis sentit.
Relicta
vidi infernum, ipsa desolato conformis; te ascensi, praxis.
Invoce codex est; videor, mi
amor, descendens paenitere.
तामस-प्रेमिकः कश्चित्, मरुज्जल-तमो-मयी ।
मृत्यु-संकल्प-योगेन, वेदनार्तं मे हृदयं तथा ॥
एकाकिनी नरकमपश्यं, दृष्टा सदृशी तव ।
अन्धकार-पुरुषस्य, त्वामुपारुह्य कर्मणा ॥
वाण्यां च वर्तते ग्रन्थः; प्रेमिक प्रविशन्त्यधः ।
पश्चात्तापं
करोमीव, वेदनार्ता तवाग्रतः ॥
* Latin and Sanskrit written with the help of AI.
