[ Ego, Orpheus, mulierem lapsam
ad paenitentiam vocavi. ]
The desires of the dusk were narrated with an inevitable
conclusion of dark poetry. Across the deadly bend, the men were summoned to witness
the cataclysmic regret of the black river, the rage of not having killed
everyone near and far! Her fatalism was absolute, of terror and revenge, and of
her askance at the forbidden forest.
She had found her lover whom she could doom,
someone who would willingly disappear within her endless dark lust, and yet
make her cry at his loss. Vice intended to know if, at all, her lover was
worthy of her vengeance, and if not, still worthy of dying every moment for her!
Sandhya wanted to understand if she could
engulf the infernal and derive her evil power from their souls. She had tried
to love her men with a true heart, and had entrusted them with agreements, only
to find that she had been used by the demons to derive the blessing of life, a safeguard
in hell that they took only for granted.
At first, she was oblivious, as she was fragile,
and thought of it as her solemn duty to protect her love for the prisoners.
Then, when she felt betrayed, she turned to deceit and malice, a strategy that indebted
her to the laws of hell, for then she found that she must rely on imperial forgiveness
for her vindication.
She was yet to realize that the absolute nothingness
of the forbidden forest required all debts to be answered, even if by eternal
unforgiveness. She could deny everyone, but she could not deny the karma she
had acquired, even though she tried to ignore it as an obsolete necessity that
could be met with pretensions. By the time she had come to know Orpheus, her
debts were so momentous that she was at a loss as to how to come to terms with them!
The love of Orpheus was her last choice before
she descended into solitary madness, inconsequential or not. His presence
within her was unlike anything else she had ever experienced, for now she had
started to feel the assurance of finding the consort of her hellish fantasies.
She wanted to confess all her lies to him, but he
had quieted her with a kiss of forgiveness, as if it hurt him to hear how far
she had fallen. Sandhya almost knew that nothing was hidden from Orpheus, and that
he was imploring her to forbid herself from deceit, so as her outstanding debts
would eventually be redeemed by her repentance.
In all this, she could sense that deceit and
deception were different at the core, and her pretensions were adored by the
poet. She also sensed that the lives of her sons were demanded of her, a duty
of absolving the agreements that were once sealed by blood oath.
Thus were Sandhya’s confessions to the forest,
as she lay sleepless on her oceanic jasper, believing that the early morning
light would show her the way, without asking that she forbids herself from
trusting herself.
Lamentare mihi, o sancte liberator, lamentare
te descendentem ad inferna.
Te cognosco paradoxum, te cognosco sagacem,
Te apparuisse et sanctum mihi, sanctum mihi
terrorem.
Tempora diruuntur confusa, tibi non decipiam
me, ipse vocaris mirari aethera.
Et mihi paradisus es? Et me ipse paradisum
reddes?
मदर्थं विलापं कुरु, हे पवित्र परित्रातः, नरकं प्रति गच्छन्तं त्वामेव विलापं कुरु।
त्वाम् एकं विरोधाभासं जानामि, त्वां च धीमन्तं जानामि,
मम पुरतः तव प्रकटनं हि एकं पवित्रं भयं, मम कृते पवित्रं भयम्
एवाभूत्।
व्याकुलाः कालाः विदीर्यन्ते, मा स्म त्वाम् वञ्चयेयम्, त्वं स्वयम् आकाशं
वीक्षितुम् आहूतोऽसि।
किं त्वं मम परलोक इव असि? किं च त्वं स्वयमेव माम्
अपि नन्दनवनं करिष्यसि?
