Darkness and the Disguise of Light

[ Ego, Orpheus, cum amata mea esse volui. ]

She never knew that love could be so intense, so intricate! Sandhya was guided into introspection, perhaps by his music, or perhaps by her own desire to know the truth.

A dilemma as to what love is and how she is captivated by its sweet spell held her thoughts in a constant state of disbelief! On one hand, she had started to surrender to a primal attraction that Orpheus stood for. On the other hand, she was at a loss to understand how her love for her sons could put her into a place where her spells did not seem to work at all!

She could not believe either, for Sandhya had always trusted that in a Godless hell, it was upon her to exercise her authority unto the order of the realms. She viewed evil as a necessity, but was unsure if that could lead to consequences. All the while, deep in her blameless heart, she still felt protected by an unseen power, authorized by the perpetual darkness surrounding the moon.

Whereas, she knew she was one with the darkness, and she was the dusk, yet her feminine instincts perceived that she was incomplete without the infernal masculine. She had started to suspect that beneath his mask, it was Orpheus who was the man of her feverish dreams, a ghostly romance so intense that it occupied even the darkest corners of her soul.

Shanaya was observant in her own thoughtful demeanor. She might have envied her sister for, unlike her, she was not hidden from Orpheus, and she could feel them in dialogues, maybe even in person. She was not resentful toward their relationship, yet she wished that, even if for once, he would realize how intensely she followed him in the underworld. Also, she had to know if the curse of Vice could affect her own Queenship and take Orpheus away from her, who was the only man she had ever loved. She could not even bear to look upon the faces of other men, whom she regarded as mere slaves, prisoners who were dependent on evil until they perish.

Shanaya had understood that her sister was apprehensive of lightness, of the simplicity of the first moment of truth, when her light blossomed in the forbidden forest like an early morning flower. Even though she did not talk to Sandhya, she wished her to know that she wanted to come closer to Orpheus through her, by recognizing the bond that the two women had shared eternally.

Reflecting on this, she conspired with the swans of the lake of tears, who agreed to be her emissaries to the Dark Queen. This was how the swans flew to Sandhya’s castle at twilight and gifted a quiet ruby to her, a magic stone that carried Shanaya’s unspoken words.  

Est ritûs exempli maternum, et intervallum threnici cavati

Orbat me tantum, et sum tristis in aeternum

Si rubinus creatur ab animo, es sapiens in somno

Oblivione conflicti, pia sancta foras exi si ambis

Cygna poetica, lamentare mihi amorem.   

मातृ-आदर्श-अनुष्ठानम् इदं, शोकपूर्णं रिक्तं च अन्तरम्।
इदं मां भृशं वियुनक्ति, अहञ्च सर्वदा दुःखितोऽस्मि।
यदि आत्मना माणिक्यं सृज्यते, त्वं स्वापे प्राज्ञोऽसि।
विस्मृत्यभिभूत, हे पवित्रे साधिके, यदि भ्रमसि तर्हि बहिरागच्छ।
हे काव्यात्मिके हंसिनि, मम कृते मद्विषयकं प्रेम विलापय।

* Latin and Sanskrit are written with the help of AI.

The Great Emptiness

[ Ego, Orpheus, omnibus qui in vitio erraverant fui mors.]

The ominous music of the flute slowly bestowed grievous spells in the underworld, like an ancient serpent eternally waiting in the hallows to assume the very form of all existence. Whether it was a hallucination was yet to be established, but she could sense that Orpheus was omnipresent in hell, although the diagram of death seemed only a distant aspect of his entire psyche.

Sandhya was beginning to understand that the poet whom she once ignored as a lost soul was the very essence of loss, an immense emptiness, yet yearning for love in the soul.   

This hypnotic immensity was perceived in every form of the masculine that shaped the structure of fear in hell, consisting of the mighty trees, the moonlight, and the endless spectacle of mortal remains that were consumed by the valley of dry bones.

It was as if the moon was the eye of this dragon, and its immeasurable corpus shaped the very darkness that pervaded everything. With a trembling heart, she could sense that even her multitude was rather small compared to the great evil that Orpheus embodied.  

However, she felt that Orpheus was not inconsiderate, and he understood the sad heart of Sandhya, the lament of the mother who was doomed to lose all her sons, with no resurrection in eternity. It was as if the distant, dark ocean had nothing to do with the drowning men, yet the evening breeze comforted the mother who was safe at the shore.

She intended to curse the sea, but when she stood at the shore, staring at the horizon, she could not imagine her curses altering the endless darkness. Instead, the moon whispered to the black river that it was only fate that the men brought upon themselves, and she must accept it. To her surprise, she could not blame him for being unfair in judgment, for the woman knew her children were once ocean-born, and it was the verdict of the father who called them back to the grave.

Thus was the emptiness that the woman felt when she knew in her heart that nothing was going to remain the same, except for the great love that has held her for all eternities and beyond. 

Amendat te ascribi cum perfidis, et infernus consecutus est

Beati, salve! Mihi anima sum omnium, et aliena tempora sunt

Et sarcophagi creati, tua mortis dialectica conscia insignis

Sancte Pater, salve, mi animus, laudandus es.

संसर्गं तव धूर्ते: संस्करोति, पातालं च पृष्ठतोऽन्वगात्।

कल्याणिनो नमोऽस्तु, मयि सर्वस्यात्मास्मि, विचित्राश्च प्रवृत्तयः॥

निर्मितानि च शवाधानानि, तव मृत्योः प्रबुद्धा विशिष्टा चान्वीक्षिकी।

हे परमगुरो नमोऽस्तु, हे मम चित्त, त्वं सर्वथा स्तुत्योऽसि॥

* Latin and Sanskrit written with the help of AI.

Once Hell Was Born of Divine Folly

[ Ego, Orpheus, lapsam ad paenitentiam duxi. ]

Sandhya had built her castle on seven pillars, and she had torn it down, at least in places where she had lost control. She inhabited the ruinous derelict made with her own fractured ego, yet she was not condemned by the poet for her rebelliousness.

Before her sons were imprisoned by Orpheus within the eighteen realms, her overflowing malice inhabited hell in a crisscross of anger and defiance, a situation that even put her at risk of losing everything to damnation. Vice felt she could never avoid an intense prejudice of guilt, of being unable to love him with all her heart, and of the folly of bringing forth the demons, thereby loving them, and forfeiting her control over them.  

Paradoxically, she had once thought that by empowering her men, she would be able to challenge the sovereignty of the forbidden forest, which directed its roots in eighteen groves within the valley of dry bones. Each wood was separated from the others by a deep chasm where only the hollow of hell could be perceived from a distance. These same men, her own sons, had tricked her into believing in them, so that she could be captured and put to trial for creating them.

She had encouraged her men to travel to the very ends of the underworld so that her control might be exercised in full, yet the flute of Orpheus had entombed them within these eighteen realms. Their mortal remains turning to dust, their souls swallowed by serpentine trees, insofar as each one of them had gone with her good wishes.

If judas was trapped within the first realm, the succubus men had gone so far as the eighteenth grove, and no further! The ones who were alive were surrounded by a cruel eternity, where even her blessings were negated by the imperial majesty.  

She could sense that Orpheus had become one with these infernal trees, and the chasms between them, unaffected by the stratagems she once pursued to deter him from his quest.

In all his trials, she could feel that he still loved her with a pure heart, despite how she had tried to kill him with everything she had. Vice could hear his somber music, willing her to come to repentance, something she had always denied as an unnecessary delusion.

Thus was the recollection of Vice, who once wished that love never existed.

Tandem lunaris mihi herbescit in orbem mysterio astantis

Non effugerunt terrorem, ergo se confundunt

Dum artantur nihil nisi infernum, se ipsi mortui

Tu, paradoxe deus, mihi me sanctifica, et repente.

अन्ततः मम समक्षं पार्श्वस्थस्य चान्द्री ऊर्जा रहस्यात्मकरूपेण पूर्णमण्डले प्ररोहति।

ते भीतिं न पलायन्तः, अतः पूर्णभ्रमे पतन्ति।

यावत् ते केवलं नरकेण रुद्धाः, तावत् ते स्वयमेव मृताः।

हे विरोधाभासमया देव, मम कृते माम् पवित्रीकुरु, तच्च सहसैव।

* Latin and Sanskrit are written with the help of AI. 

The Reverie of Blackness

[ Ego, Orpheus, captivos ne morerentur musica mea servare non potui. ]

The evening conspired in hushed voices with the grave trees that inhabited the valley of dry bones. It was but in this hallowed terrain that the paradox of mortality assumed a haunted landscape, unto where all prisoners must discover their final call, broken in the realization that they have to disappear into the dark earth. The black river seemed to touch the soul in desolate darkness, Sandhya grieving for all the sons who were put to death by Orpheus.  

It was here, in this habitation of dusty skulls, that the poet sought his acquaintance with Grief, the woman who roamed amidst the bones, illumined solely by a candle held at a distance from her heart. None were allowed to survive in this cemetery of divine failure, for the sons who could not be saved by fate, fated as they were.

Shanaya was intent on painting a red Chrysanthemum on the forehead of a pale green skull that she found strewn amidst the stones, hoping that Orpheus would see it and think of her. She had asked the owls to carry the memento to him, wishing to share his sorrow for the fallen, who were once born of his relationship with Sandhya. She seemed to have inhabited this skull like a black snake, patiently waiting for Orpheus to come nearer.

The flute of Orpheus was taking strange serpentine turns that glistened on the snake’s body like silver jewelry on a dark woman. Orpheus had calmly allowed the revengeful cobra to coil around his poetic hands, lulled with a kiss on her forehead.

As he played his flute in unforeseen melancholy, he could hear the cry of Grief, lamenting the failure to save the sons, who once wandered into the forest in search of treasures of the underworld. The snake whispered, “Miseria, Miseria, Miseria”, as Shanaya could feel a silent teardrop touching her lips, reminding her of a kiss that was yet to be given.  

Thus was the distant sorrow of the black river, fated to follow Orpheus, yet denying him in a tearful reverie.

Omnibus ipse pallet deus, dum mortis lamenta mihi scribis

Aether tremit oblivione, dum musica tam tristis sanguineis cordibus torquet

Sanctus miseros erudit, de mortis venustate

O captivi, vos colligite, mementote mori.

देवोऽपि पाण्डुतां याति त्वयि मृत्युविलापकान् मयि लिखति।

कम्पते शून्यतयाऽऽकाशः, खिन्नं सङ्गीतं रक्तमयेभ्यो हृदयेभ्यः क्लेशं ददाति॥

साधुर्दीनान् शिक्षयति, मृत्योः सौन्दर्यविषये।

भो बन्दिनः, यूयं सङ्गच्छध्वं, स्मरत यन्मरणं निश्चितम्॥

* Latin and Sanskrit are written with the help of AI. 

Of Light and Darkness

[Ego, Orpheus, in caelesti corpore meo infernum ferre debeo, dum dilecta mea ad paradisum redibit.]

The mélange of light and darkness was assuming strange shapes in the mysterious forest, shapes that were forming in the feminine, resurrected by his music. The flute seemed to awaken the deathly amnesia of the Goddesses, who once descended to hell, cursed by the reluctance of love that they had denied. Shanaya could scarcely stay away from her mirror, as she saw the presence of other women in the underworld, who wished to speak to her, so that they might return to heaven once again.   

She could feel the smile of prudence and the demure of wisdom in the same breath, women who were haunted by the memory of a sad dawn, the last dream they had dreamed before the mortals ceased to remember them. They were not imprisoned, yet forgotten in an ancient slumber that had come over the realms, like a disparate mist enveloping the lake of tears.

She doubted if Orpheus would remember her, despite knowing she had not yet revealed herself to him. Although she still felt lonely, the thought of being with him one day assured her. Orpheus seemed lost in an unearthly meditation, being with her and without her at the same time, like a northern star that seemed so near, yet was far from this world.

He was untouched by his own mystic, yet his unceasing music would ebb and flow like the rainy clouds floating by the moon. Shanaya wanted to implore the black river not to hurt her lover, but she also wished to know if Orpheus desired to return the curse to Sandhya.

She was askance if he ever felt the grief that pervaded the forest like a heavy shadow. On thinking this, she suddenly realized that grief herself was a woman, someone who sought her redemption from the malady of prisoners.  

The swans were floating very still on the lake of tears, as if even a flutter of their pale wings would disrupt the solemn meditation of the forbidden forest. As she missed her lover, Shanaya was silently crying with the swans, their tears sinking like precious pearls to the bottom of the lake.

In quiet desperation, she reached within the halo with her trembling fingertips, lightly holding a pearl that carried the weight of her questions to him. She wanted the swans to fly her pearl to Orpheus, so that he might let it disappear in the black river, flowing like a foreboding vision, inseparable from the night.

The swans flew by the sky like whispering apparitions, the pale blue of their hearts reflecting the deathless trials of the moon. Thus was the answer of Orpheus when he received the pearl that the swans left in the hollow of his heart.

Tristis est luna mihi, sed arcana sententia solemniter descendit

Talis discedit immerso umbrae corpore argenteus cygnus

Noster tristis recedit reditus inferni mihi sancto silentio

Tu redis ad paradisum, ergo ego retineor in inferno aeternae mortis corpore

Mea soliloquia lunaria disparent, sed te privat serpentis imperium

मम कृते चन्द्रः करुणः अस्ति, किन्तु एको रहस्यभावः गाम्भीर्येण अवतरति।

छायानिमग्ने वपुषि तथा गच्छति राजतश्चक्रवाकः।

अस्माकं दुःखदः पातालप्रत्यावर्तनं पवित्रमौनमयेन मयि विरमति।

त्वं स्वर्गं प्रतिगच्छसि, अतः अहं नित्यमृत्युपाताले शरीरेण बद्धोऽस्मि।

मम चान्द्रविलापाः नश्यन्ति, परन्तु सर्पस्याधिपत्यं त्वां वञ्चयति॥

* Latin and Sanskrit are written with the help of AI. 

The River’s Witness

[ Ego Orpheus sum, is ex quo nigrum flumen mortalium orbem creavit. ]

Shanaya wanted to acquaint herself with the dusk, as she sensed that the black river was not very distant from her. It was as if she, the black river, knew her from her very absolution, a memory that they had denied quite unknowingly. 

As the evening descended, she would mutter disparate forebodings to the blackness, trying to paint the dusk as a woman who did not want Orpheus to listen. She was inconsolable even at the thought of never coming close to hold Orpheus, while she could see him sitting by the river, as if he was smiling at her.

Shanaya wanted to let the river know that she was a witness to Orpheus from the very beginning of memories, like the serene light of the early ocean, even when the sons of man were not brought forth. On thinking this, she suddenly realized that the river was speaking to her, grieving for all the sons she had lost to the forbidden forest, their mortal remains forever entombed in the valley of dry bones. 

She could see her hopelessly wandering within the cruel depths of the underworld, her hair over her bosom, seeking the last sign of hope from the prisoners, so that she could redeem even one of them from the tyranny of Orpheus.

She wanted to know if her revenge mattered to Orpheus, and she could see him giving his bloodied hands to the black river, the pale shadow of the moon forbidding her to come near this scene of death. Shanaya could hear the river cursing at the fatherly forest, who was standing very still, yet carrying her tears so that the red flowers could be born by the shadows.

Shanaya could feel that the river was tearfully seeking her to share her sorrow, calling her name from a distance, “Usha, Usha, Usha.” She wanted to cry, yet she did not, for she could not come to terms with the grief. 

Thus was the lament of the black river in the endless darkness, as Shanaya realized that she was speaking to Sandhya, the sister who knew her from her earliest memories.

Infiniti et arboreta se non para solacia tristibus  

Mihi crines celant mortuos, se non attenuari desiderant

Insigni oblito te, ergo separaris somniis arcanis

Ascendit abstinentia, ut emancipata mihi absolvat cruces.

अनन्तानि च काननानि शोकार्तेभ्यो न सुखं ददति।

मम केशा मृतं गृह्णन्ति, ते तनुत्त्वं न वाञ्छन्ति॥

त्वयि विस्मृते, त्वं रहस्यमयेभ्यः स्वप्नेभ्यः वियुक्तो भवसि।

संयमः उदेति, यथा स मुक्तो भूत्वा मम कष्टानि निवारयेत्॥

* Latin and Sanskrit are written with the help of AI. 

Songs of Nowhere

[ Ego, Orpheus, dum ad ripas fluminis nigri tibia cano, ad amatam meam reditum somniavi.]

Even when she was painting, Shanaya’s thoughts unknowingly wandered to Orpheus, as if she was charmed by the crescent moon. The woman painted of lunatic shadows, of hearsay, and of bygone pebbles in the dark waters of the black river. She wanted to paint the moonlight on the river, but was unsure if the river would welcome her. Even so, Shanaya sought the dusk in no uncertain terms, as she wanted to separate her lover from his darkness.

She instinctively realized that the dark river was born of the revenge of Vice, encircling Orpheus like a terrible curse. The thoughts of Orpheus’ lifeless body floating in the river alarmed her, and she could never bring herself to paint this vision. Instead, she concealed her tears in shades of the sleepy dawn, of seeing him walking alone by the shore, far and far into the realms of the underworld.

Although his flute comforted her with an immortal melody, she secretly worried that their destinies would never cross paths and one day Orpheus would forget everything she whispered to him. However, every time she thought of such ominous endings, she could visualize a dead body floating downstream, whose face may look like that of Orpheus, but was nothing like him. In her fever, she wondered if this vision was a sign, a mournful story that the forbidden forest wanted her to listen to.

It was as if his music was an unbearable loss for the dead, even more for the river herself. She would paint the river assuming the form of a black snake, coldly encircling the body for a last kiss. Shanaya herself was never so close to death, and to eternal life, except for her love for Orpheus. In her soliloquies, she often wished that she would ask him about the endless tyranny of his flute, how the dead disappeared in the river whenever she thought of being separated forever.   

Thus was the reverie of the woman, as she sought of death as her lover, even so smiling in her fancies, imagining playful moments under the autumn sun.   

Si est oblita parvis luna, si privatus amore non caret vixit

Allicit somnis corpore, mihi tempora oblivionis terrorem vicis sunt

Aquous mortuos assumit; tu rivos amnis arcere consequeris

Tu amor, tu libertas; mihi est mors

Absolvi vitia, absolvi me, evadi in nihilum.

यदि क्षुद्रैः विस्मृता चन्द्रमा, यदि एकान्ती प्रेम्णा न हीनः—सः जीवितवान्।

एतत् स्वप्नैः शरीरं मोहयति; मम कृते विस्मृतेः कालाः भाग्यस्य त्रासः सन्ति।

कृष्णनदी मृतान् गृह्णाति; त्वं नद्याः प्रवाहान् रोद्धुं शक्नोषि।

त्वम् एव प्रेम, त्वम् एव मुक्तिः; मम कृते मृत्युः अस्ति।

मया पापानि मुक्तानि, अहम् आत्मना मुक्तः, अहं शून्यतायां लीनः।

* Latin and Sanskrit are written with the help of AI.