Was She Dreaming?

[ Ego, Orpheus, amāvī eam per somnia perinde ac ipse somniārem. ]

She had often wondered what her dreams were just before she woke up. Did the sky remember her before she was called by a name that was only hers? Was she made of light and shadows, just like the women who were returning from hell? Did she have wings to hover over the endless dark ocean that created an island just when she wanted to rest? Although Shanaya was the elder sister of Sandhya, she often behaved as if she were the younger, and why was that?

The vision of the deer had introduced her to the wonders of the forest, with an unearthly desire to disappear into the darkness. She yearned to lose herself to the sight of the pale deer, waiting by the dense arcs in the hope that she might see him once again, if not for another fleeting moment!

She tried to remember if she could hear the flute when she saw the deer. To her surprise, she realized that the music of the flute had suddenly paused, so that she could hear only her impatient heartbeats in harmony with the obscure birdsong from the unknown.  

The flowers around her had felt comelier, and she felt that she desired to make a garland so that she could give it to him! The happier she felt, the more unreal it was, and as she looked up to the canopy of trees, she could feel that he was always around, even in the breathtaking silence that surrounded her.

At times, she just wanted to sit in the shade of the willow, slowly letting the warm winter sun kiss her eyelids to a slumber that she wanted eagerly to surrender to. She felt as if she was returning to an unbecoming, yet guarded by a sense of belonging even when nothing seemed to be real, and all she wanted was to sleep by the side of her lover.

When she had laid herself to rest in a bed made of grass, she had asked the flowers to hide her form so that Orpheus might not see her! This place was very far from the valley of dry bones, so there were no mortals in this part of the woods. She had let her auburn hair cover her naked shoulders like the soft fragrance of the wildflowers. She had buried her face in her hair, only to feel how beautiful she was!

She wanted to lie there until the deer appeared again, if not today, then another day.

She felt that she could wait forever, eagerly listening to the distant melody of the flute that seemed to come nearer one moment, and then again, carrying the songs of a far sky in its pulse.

Shanaya had fallen into a sweet sleep. When she woke up, she saw herself sleeping on her velvet bed in her room, but she could not remember how she came back. It was as if he had carried her while she was sleeping and had disappeared so that she was not startled when she woke up! Or, did she walk to her palace in a trance and now could not remember it? 

For her life, she could not remember what she was dreaming, but she was sure that it was never a nightmare! So, she thought, she would ask her mirror. She was wearing a floral tiara, but did she make it herself?

Such was the heart of the woman when she sat smiling to herself in front of her mirror, brushing her hair in the evening, and thinking of how magical love was!  

Non mihi trīstis sum, et cōnsors quī per somnia appāruistī

Ēlysium ipse mīrāculō corporis,

Et transcēnsā morte mihi, et arcānīs attigistī

Ergō mihi in plēthōre vidēris tū, es tū amātor cordis meī

नाहं स्वात्मने शोकाकुला, त्वमेव स सहचरः यः स्वप्नैः प्रादुरभूः ।

त्वं स्वयं शरीरस्य चमत्कारेण स्वर्गीयते प्राप्तवान्,

मत्कृते मृत्युं च विजित्य गुह्य रहस्यानि अपि स्पृष्टवान् ॥

अत एव त्वं मम पुरतः असीम-बाहुल्येन दृश्यसे, त्वमेव मम हृदयस्य प्रियः ॥

* Latin and Sanskrit written with the help of AI. 

The Fleeting Hart

[ Ego, Orpheus, antiquus serpens umbrarum sum. ]

It was as if the moon was shape-shifting into the early morning sun. The birds were born of the memories of the last apocalypse, a day that was inscribed on ancient ruins within the endless forest. Shanaya had had a pale glimpse of the deer, as she had waited through the dark night by the lake of tears. She was seeking the swans when the moon was hiding behind the rain clouds, yet the birds seemed to float at a strange distance, lost in their own thoughts.

This distance reminded her of her loneliness, and as the first drizzle touched the still water, she could feel a shadow shift at the edge of the trees! It was unlike anything that she had ever felt, as she could feel a strange call that was intertwined with her soul, from a far past that she did not want to remember. She was startled at the presence of a masculine entity around her, and the first thought that came to her was, “Did Orpheus see me sitting by the lake?”

She did not want to turn back, lest he see the tears on her face. Amidst the delicate sound of her own heartbeats, she could perceive the form behind her take a step toward her and no more. She could hear the breathing of the creature, a fervent premonition that seemed like he, too, was surprised to find her waiting by the lake at the dawn!

The presence of the horned beast had somehow transformed the ambiance. The water of the lake suddenly felt more transparent, as if the blue was missing the fading shade of the crescent moon. She could feel that the swans were swiftly coming closer from afar, their tidings carried by etheric ripples that touched her naked feet.

She could feel that the flowers around the edge of the river were seeking the musky presence with unashamed desires. Shanaya could feel the trees themselves transforming into corporeal forms, as if the forest were turning into a horned man with a thousand serpentine hands and ten thousand eyes!

She turned back, in a desperate effort to see the creature!

For a moment, everything seemed to stand still in absolute silence…

Then, their eyes met.

The deer took a step backward, and no more.  

She could see in its brown eyes that the deer had recognized her, waiting only for a moment before thirstily receding into the darkness. The early morning sunlight had created a momentary play of shadows around the antlers, as if the holy ghost had reached out for her with an outstretched hand, before remembering that the veil of the night was disappearing!

Before the vision disappeared, she could feel Sandhya speaking to her spirit in magical whispers that seemed to emanate from the perpetual dusk of the dense forest, even when the sun had risen.

She was saying, “He was the SeshNag!”

Shanaya silently stood where the deer once was, wondering what it all meant! This was the poem that she wrote when she returned to her palace, still thinking of the encounter with the night.

Creaturae abstetere umbrae, terrae est Cervus amor

Intratae confusionis terrorem absolve, et tu homme apparuisti

Paradoxa persona tua, tradidisti salutem meam.

Apparuit umbrae, videtur aenigma.

Tu Antiquus Serpens!

Serpentis est amor.

सृष्टेः अपसृताः छायाः, धरण्याः कामः अस्ति मृगः।

प्रविष्टमोहस्य भयं शमय, त्वं च मनुष्यरूपेण प्रकटितः।

तव रहस्यमयः अभिनयः, त्वं मे मुक्तिं दत्तवान्।

छायायाम् आगतः सः, रहस्यम् इव दृश्यते।

त्वं शेषनागः! शेषनागस्य एव अस्ति प्रेमः।

*Latin and Sanskrit written with the help of AI. 

* { Halloween, 2026 } 

The Loneliness of Yesterdays

[Ego, Orpheus, propriā sōlitūdine vexābar. ]

She was writing letters on transparent pages and floating them on the teal clouds that were forming around her terrace. Her silent words were coming to life with butterfly wings of all hues: blue, yellow, orange, and other unnamed shades of her wishes…

She was lost in a distant forest, where her love would appear to conspire with the evening flowers, those encircling the lifeless skulls of the prisoners. She was following the flute that guided her through the darkness like a memory close to her heart. Shanaya was thinking of kisses, heartbreaks, and darkness, in the many ways that the theater of the forbidden forest was in harmony with feminine desires.

Even so, the Goddess still wanted to feel more deeply, a secret that she had withheld from herself due to ages of being alone where she was. She did not want to come to terms with loneliness, for she felt it was undue of her, an injustice of love that she must carry. She was sometimes inclined to perceive her immortality as a heartless soliloquy, her own words haunting her like an unfinished poem written with fading ink.

She had waited for countless seasons in search of her lover, until she had noticed the travails of Orpheus, yet beyond a veil that separated hell from heaven. Although she had never acquired the karmic debts of deceit, she was beginning to feel that her unrequited love sought its own answers; why did she choose to conceal herself from Orpheus when she could have expressed her feelings to him in person? Was she unjust to him? Was it just for her lover to ignore her tears when she was ready to give herself in marriage? 

It was true that if not for Orpheus, Virtue would never have ventured into the chiaroscuro of hell like a faint shadow.  Furthermore, she did not deny that if not for him, she would never have come to recognize her sister Vice, who was held captive within her castle in the forbidden forest.

Even more than anything else, if not for him, she would never have thought of loving a man, as she could not bear to see those distorted visages of the prisoners! Even so, she still decided to conceal herself from him, speaking in whispers that sought him desperately.

Die! Die! Die! She wanted to scream, but she would rather paint a decrepit skull with a blue flower for its eyes. Alone! Alone! Alone! Her mirror wept for her in a chamber lit with candles from Persia, and she would only sit silently in a white drape, hoping that Orpheus would come to rescue her from her recurring nightmares.

Within her heart, she could not envision a day without him, his dark gaze seeking her like a fleeting hart that sauntered by the lake of tears in the late of night, in that moment when the sleepy birds were waking up to greet the new day.

Thus was the poem that the woman found in her thoughts when she realized that she must redeem herself from the curse of eternal loneliness. It was in this shadowy dream that her nightmares slowly disappeared like a fading tear touching her lips.

Dē terrā adāctum mystēriō, aqueus somnus est

Penitus amāveram, et umbrārum consorte trīstis

Praeterita mea, piō cōnsiliō, crypta arcāna est

Sentiente lacrimās meās, ego cōnsīgnāvī animum dēstitum

Amor tū mihi, amor aeternus

रहस्येन पृथिव्याः प्रत्यवरूढः, एष जलीयः स्वप्नः अस्ति ।

अहं गभीरम् अकामये, छायानां सहचारिणी च दुःखिता बभूव ॥

मम अतीतम्, पवित्रेण मन्त्रणेन, गुप्तं रहस्यगृहं वर्तते ।

मम अश्रूणि अनुभवन्ती, अहं ममापरित्यक्तम् आत्मानं समर्पितवती ॥

त्वमेव मम कृते प्रेम, शाश्वतं प्रेम ॥

* Latin and Sanskrit written with the help of AI. 

Who Was Speaking to Him

[ Ego, Orpheus, fēminae vātēs nōn eram. ]

She was keen on romancing her feelings like they were distant songs, since she was in love. Although Shanaya did not harbor any ill will toward him, she was unable to understand her own dark side, which seemed to elude her like her desire to meet Orpheus in person.

Also, she believed that her sister might betray or berate Orpheus, something that she could never approve of. It was never in her nature to betray anyone, even more so the only love in her life! Yet, she was still impulsively inclined to believe that Orpheus would not find her in the end, because she had seen all other suitors fail miserably at fulfilling her stringent conditions.

If not for the love of Vice, every one of these men would have perished under her curse, an evil that she could not fully control, as such. Although none of them were cognizant of her magical presence, the command of Virtue was an undeniable edict that invisibly set the entropy of hell to work towards an end.

However, Vice, being rebellious, had her own complaints that she could not absolve, and hence was unable to understand her stance with respect to her sister. Nonetheless, she was always in complete confidence of her lightness, speaking in whispers to the very heart of being pure, and of the sorrow of the fall of man from paradise. It was as if she did not exist, as a dream does not seem to exist, yet all the prisoners still wanted to be in heaven, where she did not allow anyone.

However, she was doubtful if Orpheus wanted to return to the lightness of being! He seemed musically reliant on resolving the finer details of absolution that could create a perfect hell, but he did not seem to travel in the direction of heaven. He was not a prophet, and neither was he eager to fill his soul with hell’s tallies!

Instead, to her surprise, she observed that he was constructing the very idea that heaven and hell both belonged to him, and still he was indifferent and alone. It was as if he was saddened to know that Sandhya did not love him, yet even so, he wanted her to return to his pure heart, so that they could create a perfect darkness of their own and call it heaven!

Shanaya could not help but smile at her own deception, as Orpheus could not recognize her whispers and often thought that he was silently thinking about Sandhya, when in reality, it was she who dwelled in the purity of his heart.

She could see that Sandhya did not betray her by not revealing to Orpheus that it was her sister who spoke to him in silent thoughts. She did not say that it was her either! Sometimes, it seemed to her, that they were speaking in one voice to the one man who could really listen to them.

Thus was the recollection of the woman when she wanted to say how much she missed Orpheus, yet she was still unsure if he would be able to face her inability to express feelings of romance when he needed it most.

Obscūrus dēscendit meus ad adytum amōris

Orcī maestum corpus umbrārum cōnfūsiō est

Allēviās cor meum, tū es somnus quī appāruit mihi

मम प्रियः तिमिरमयः मदनस्यान्तर्गृहं प्रत्यवरोहति ।

यमराजस्य विषादपूर्णं शरीरं छायानां संमिश्रणमस्ति ॥

त्वं मम हृदयं लघूकरोषि, त्वमेव स स्वप्नः यो मह्यं प्रादुरभूत् ॥

* Latin and Sanskrit written with the help of AI. 

The Shadow of Virtue

[ Ego, Orpheus, nescius eram eam mē dīligere. ]

The far sun was setting within the heart of the forest, and Shanaya could still perceive the flute of Orpheus, slowly disappearing into the dusk. The affair of the sun and the dusk strangely made her sad, as she was suddenly reminded of her own loneliness.

She was reminded by the mirror that Orpheus was still not aware of her, although she knew that she had not chosen to reveal herself, a willful predicament that might as well be her destiny. Even so, she wished that her lover would take notice of her presence, despite that she had concealed herself from him.

Also, she could feel that Sandhya was not letting her touch those regions of her mind that were obscured by negativity. Virtue understood that Sandhya did not want to talk with her as much as she wanted to, a rejection that made her even more detached.

Yet, she could never stay away from her oneness with her sister that she could not deny for anything, even for envy! Since Orpheus was closer to Sandhya, she strongly felt that if not by her, she would never be able to come closer to him, a wish that held her cruel heart closer to love than ever.    

On one hand, she was deeply enamored with Orpheus. On the other hand, she hated him for ignoring her for so long. Has she not spoken to him in morning flowers? Has she not followed him like a shadow ever since she fell in love with him? She could feel the tears well up, yet she would never cry, for she did not want him to find her as a shadow of her sister. On thinking like this, she suddenly realized that her own shadow was slowly encircling her sister and her lover, offering her glimpses of an evil power that she did not fully understand.

She could feel him kiss her, and how Sandhya had worn a soft black dress for the evening. She wore a sapphire pendant that seemed to illuminate her mirror like a hellish spell. She wanted to ask Sandhya if she could have that pendant, which she suspected had been given to her by him tonight.

Unlike Sandhya, she felt compelled to love Orpheus, a bridal urge that made her yearn for him with everything she had. She could feel her breathing becoming more feverish beneath her pink satin, and as she watched her lover kiss her sister, she could almost feel that he was winning over her hatred, for she never knew a kiss could be so beautiful!  

She was waiting for the sun to rise again, so that she could once again let Orpheus know how much she wanted him to come closer, a secret wish that Shanaya did not want to even share with her sister. She wanted to tell him that his quest was almost at the end, and that he shall redeem himself from her curse, if not for her love.

Thus was the confession of the woman when she wrote down her feelings for her lover on a blank page, not leaving the mirror that was set in silent pearls absorbing the moonlight.

Sērā nocte per umbrās serpente ad inferōs, amōrem dīmissum

Trīstī invidiā meā, cor meum sentit allēviārī ad invidiam tuam

Artis tormenta tū, artis tormentīs mihi in sōliloquiīs

Redime mē ut abstineam, redime tē ad inferna dēgressum.

निशीथे, पातालोलकं प्रति सर्पन्त्यां छायायाम्, प्रेमा विसृष्टः ।

मम शोकाकुलेन द्वेषेण, तवेर्ष्यां प्रति मम हृदयं लघूभवति ॥

त्वमेव कलायाः यातनाः, मह्यं कलायाः यातनाः एकभाषणेषु वर्तन्ते ।

मां त्रायस्व यथा अहं विरमेयम्, आत्मानं त्रायस्व यः पातालोलकं प्रत्यवरूढः ॥

* Latin and Sanskrit written with the help of AI. 

A Vision of the Circle

[ Ego, Orpheus, fēminam amāvī etiam cum contrā mē esset. ]

She intended to know both sides of the story, but with the foreknowledge that she could not alter the course of hell. It was as if she could see in her mind’s eye that the trees were still advancing in darkness like an army of flying dragons who were invisible to mortals! She half expected the invincible army to show mercy to her sons, yet she still prayed that they might be granted a peaceful death, which is the greatest prayer a mortal could ask from the Lord of Hell.

At first, the mother thought of placing her own immortality as a ransom to save her sons, but she was deterred by Shanaya, who did not think the men deserved such sacrifice. Yet, she was told by the ruby that none dies, as after the execution, they are resurrected in glass prisons for eternities, and that she could meet her sons there even after they have descended into the sentence.

Virtue had explained that thus her gamble for eternity was accepted by Orpheus, who wanted to free her, even against her own desire to oppose his verdict. Shanaya had told her that after the trees devour the souls of her sons, their lights were preserved as gemstones within their stony corpus, and on finding these stones, she could speak with the prisoners, who were carried by the endless cycle of roots into their respective closures underground. 

At an even deeper conversation, she was simply happy to love and be loved. Even so, she wanted to know what would happen if she opposed the verdict of Orpheus; what if she did not absolve her karmic debt? However, she knew for certain that her demon lover would not abandon her, even if she had a difference of opinion.

Shanaya had suggested that she ask the magic book and see for herself the visions withheld in the invisible testimony. She had started to feel that her sister wanted her to return to her at her crystal palace, yet she was hindered by her unresolved dues to the forest of forbiddance.

Desirous of answers, Vice had closed her eyes when she placed the ruby on the blank page of the book, so that her own conflicts would not interfere with the vision! When she opened her eyes, she saw that the ancient book had revealed a magical word to her!  

نصيب

She was surprised that she could read this ancient alphabet that stated, “Nasib”, yet she was not certain what it meant. As she wanted to know more, the book revealed the vision of the wheel of fate, circles intersecting circles, with the stars and planets set in absolute Maya!

In an epiphany, she had realized that once the great watch of time had been set in motion, she had no other option but to complete her Karmic circle, so she might yet again be reunited with Virtue. However, despite the revelation, she still wanted to ask Orpheus this question in person, but that was for another day!

This was the soliloquy of the woman when she had started to understand that her gamble would make her eternally betrothed to Orpheus. Whether she would think that she was indebted to Orpheus would, however, depend on if she loved him with her heart.

Fātālis ipse eō somnō congregātō, sī dēprehēnsa sum

Innuendīs testificāta dialōgō arboreō, et mandāta revelābit tandem

Sāncte diabole, est tū appāruistī mihi?

भाग्यबद्धः स एव तस्मिन् शयने संहृते, यदि मोहिताऽहम् ।

सङ्केतैः साक्षीकृतः वृक्षतुल्ये संवादे, स चान्ते नियोगान् संप्रकटयिष्यति ॥

हे पवित्र यमराज, किं त्वं मह्यं प्रादुरभूः ॥

*Arabic, Latin, and Sanskrit written with the help of AI. 

The Revelation of the Forest

[ Ego, Orpheus, fēminae per somnia dīxī antequam mē nōrat. ]

Karma! Sandhya had presupposed that she, being a Goddess, was beyond karmic debt. She was prone to forgiving herself for having perpetuated wickedness in hell, if not by intent. It was but in Vice to disobey the eternal laws of darkness, as she thought she could make her own laws, which would be held sacrosanct in the underworld.

Then one day, Shanaya asked her some difficult questions, those that she paused to answer.

She could not believe her own silence.

It was a benevolent morning in the forbidden forest, and on listening intently, she could hear a chant that seemed to emanate from the heart of the woodland. She had suddenly forgotten that she was surrounded by the ancient trees who fed on the flesh and bones of the prisoners. Instead, the forest appeared to be welcoming her, but she was not sure if this appearance was deceptive.

Shanaya was speaking to her in distant birdsong, but she could recognize her disguise.

On hearing the solitary blackbird amidst the overarching trees, she was curious about how a melody so beautiful could be sustained in hell, a place where evil ruled with absolute control! She was also wondering if she herself was surrounded by evil, and amidst the same, did she want to sing in the voices of birds.

She remembered that the swans had gifted her a ruby that carried the thoughts of her sister to her, something that she was not yet ready to appreciate. She also remembered that Orpheus had given her a cryptic book, consisting of empty pages. He had said that, when the time comes, the vision will appear in ink, and you shall be able to converse with the soul.

Even so, she had carelessly placed the ruby on an empty page of the book that smelled of amber and the unseen. To her surprise, words began to appear on the blank pages, a magic that she had not expected!

زَهْر

“Zahr.” That was the first word that appeared! She could see it written with deep blue ink, by a calligraphy that seemed to appear from a far past. The ruby was still speaking to her, and the book revealed a painting of the trees, flowers, and leaves, and, as if she could hear the blackbird singing to her, yet once again. She had ventured to know more, and the book showed her the vision of a desert and a solitary man walking on it, and the forest following him like an ocean.  

On looking closer, she could see the vision did not include her, as if the black river was not born in this realm as yet. The sun and the moon were yet to be seen, and it was neither dawn nor dusk; the man was walking in his own darkness, illumined only by the light of his own heart.

Shanaya had asked, “If you are sovereign, then why did you fear condemnation to eternal prison?” She could hear her asking, “And if so, why did you need to be rescued?”

She was sitting silently in front of her dark window, beyond which the trees reverberated with a solemn chant, a mantra that she could vaguely understand. She could feel the spell slowly fill the night sky as the forest spoke in a masculine voice, “Om Mani Padme Hum”, only to be interspersed by the distant song of a blackbird.  

Thus was the soliloquy of Sandhya when she realized that she might have fallen in love with Orpheus, even if only for now!

Iamdiū somnus mihi erat, ipse tempora umbrārum adiūvit

Certum est quod fors cūnctam terram creet alteram

Sī regis ipse diēs, lēthum quoque frondibus affers

Subitō sāncta mors appāruit, trēmens fātālia tandem sum

Aetheriī cantant melodī, cantant avēs līberae mihi

चिरं मे शयनं बभूव, स एव च्छायानां कालमुदग्रहीत् ।

नियतं यद् दैवमेवापरं कृत्स्नं मण्डलं सृजति ॥

यदि त्वं स्वयमह्नां शासिता, तर्हि पत्राणामपि नाशं वहसि ।

अकस्मात् पवित्रा मृत्युः प्रादुरभूत्, नियतिबद्धाऽहं शेपेऽन्ते ॥

दिव्याः गायका गायन्ति, मुक्ताः विहगाः मह्यं कूजन्ति ॥

* Arabic, Latin, and Sanskrit are written with the help of AI.